Chapter 3

"I did no such thing."

Seven had always been impressed by the way the Captain could use her voice. The words were only spoken in little more than a whisper yet it sounded as if Janeway had shouted them at the top of her lungs. However, the Captain had just basically accused Seven of lying. This was unacceptable to the Borg.

"I assure you Captain, you did. I came to you with the information that this trader had approached me to write him the Borg encryption codes we are talking about. Since I know that this is something you would not take lightly, I asked you first if I should grand his request."

"Come now Seven. Giving somebody over three thousand Borg encryption codes without knowing what he is going to do with them is pretty much the same as giving somebody over three thousand phasers without knowing what he is going to do with them. With a lesser developed species, those codes can be the difference between winning and losing a war. So simply giving somebody those encryption codes can be considered a violation of the prime directive. And I am not in the habit of breaking the prime directive that easily."

Almost...B'Elanna almost started laughing at this. While she knew that the Captain had a very good reason to break the prime directive every time she had done so in the Delta Quadrant the fact remained that Janeway had broken that same prime directive on more than one occasion.

"Listen Captain. I agree with you that this is something you would usually not do. But... you got to admit that Seven would also not do this without consulting you. And IF she would have done this without contacting you, then she would not lie about it now." B'Elanna's defense of the Borg was enough to stop the Captain's reaction to Seven's statement.

"I know this, B'Elanna. But I also know that I did not agree to have Seven write those codes." Then the Captain's attention went back to the Borg. "Is it possible that this guy tricked you Seven? That he made you think that I had agreed?"

"That is highly unlikely, Captain. I came to you directly. We spoke here in your ready room and you also agreed here in this same ready room."

Janeway came from behind her desk and gestured to the couch. Indicating that B'Elanna and Seven should sit down. Janeway saw the first word forming on the mouth of the Borg but beat her to it.

"Yes I know Seven, sit down anyway." After all three of them sat down, Janeway took a moment to collect her thoughts and then finally made a gesture to Seven and spoke up. "Okay. So you know for sure that I agreed. I know for sure that I didn't. One of us has to be wrong here, Seven, and to be honest I believe it is you. So think about it. Maybe he tricked you by affecting your Borg implants somehow."

Seven could not understand the human tendency to always assume that one was right. The Captain knew that she was right and so everybody else had to be wrong. Janeway could simply not accept that she was wrong and Seven was right. Of course it never crossed Seven's mind that at the very moment she was displaying that very same behavior. She thought she was right and the Captain was wrong. However, unlike the Captain, Seven actually had means to prove that she was right. So to get to the point she started reciting the most important part of the conversation.

'You find it acceptable for me to write him the codes he asked for?'

'Yes, Seven. It is the least that we can do for him. I feel almost guilty for taking his goods at such a low price. I would actually feel a little better if you were to give him those codes.'

'Very well Captain. But what about the amount? He did asked for three thousand one hundred eighteen encryption codes. This is a considerable amount, even if you use it as payment.'

'He deserves nothing less Seven. That coffee alone would have been worth that. I haven't tasted coffee like that since I was on Earth.'

'But Captain...'

Seven's recital was stopped by a raised hand from the Captain. "You are right Seven. I actually remember saying that."

B'Elanna could almost feel the unease coming off Janeway so the Klingon decided to brush it off as not important. "So you forgot. That happens to the best of us. Heck, just last week I forgot that Chakotay had asked me for a match of Velocity."

"No B'Elanna. There is something else going on. I can remember the entire conversation that Seven I had. But I still cannot remember it actually happening. I know I had the conversation with Seven, I know what we talked about. But I... can... not... remember the conversation actually happening."

All three women thought about this and without really realizing it Janeway took a sip from the coffee. Then she suddenly stopped and looked at the cup.
"Captain?" B'Elanna finally asked after all three of them had looked at the cup for a moment.

"This is also not right. Has either of you ever tasted real coffee from Earth? And I do mean real coffee?"

"I tried it once while I was tasting some of the suggestions the crew had made after I needed to rely more on organic food and less on regeneration." While Seven did not change her Borg expression, it was clear to hear what she had thought about the taste.

"No Seven. I mean real coffee from real coffee beans. It has such a unique flavor that not even our sophisticated replicators can duplicate the taste perfectly."

"I tasted it once, while I was at the academy." B'Elanna spoke up, mainly to see where the Captain was going. "However it does not agree with my Klingon tastebuds. That's why Klingons have invented Raktjino."

"Congratulations B'Elanna. You just offered yourself as my guinea pig."
With that the Captain went to the replicator and replicated an empty cup.

"Why would B'Elanna's knowledge of taste reduce her to an animal used for research? I thought humans no longer condoned such barbaric behavior?"

"Cute, very cute, Seven." B'Elanna whispered so quietly that only Seven would actually hear her. When the Captain started explaining however the Klingon realized just how few people really knew that Borg.

"It is just a figure of speech Seven. It means that I want to try something out and I require B'Elanna's help to do so." With that the Captain was back at the couch and poured a little coffee into the second cup. She then handed the cup to B'Elanna who looked at it as if it was a cup of plasma cooling liquid.

"You don't actually expect me to drink that Captain? I was not kidding when I said that it did not agree with my tastebuds."

"Come on B'Elanna. It can't be that bad."

Seeing that there was no real way out without going into a discussion with the Captain about taste B'Elanna took the cup and drank some of the coffee before she could change her mind.

"Beh, gross. That stuff is vile. I really don't understand how you can drink that." B'Elanna said while taking the glass of water the Captain had replicated for her.

Seven thought that time was unnecessarily used for trivial things and spoke up, mainly to get the conversation going again. "I fail to see a point in this. The only thing we established is that B'Elanna does not like human coffee, but she already knew that."

By now the Captain had disposed the empty coffee cup, and the empty water glass, and sat down on the couch again. "I am getting to the point here Seven. So B'Elanna, I know that you didn't like the taste but how did it compare with the coffee you had tasted at the academy?"

"It tasted the same. It was the same vile..."

"Yes, yes. I know..." The Captain interrupted B'Elanna before being interrupted herself by Seven who feared that Janeway once again was about start a lengthy explanation.

"I think the point that the captain is trying to establish is that the taste should NOT be the same. While the Terran coffee bean has been exported to many different planets, the soil compositions from other planets results in, at the least, a slight difference in coffee tastes. But most likely the taste should be so different that you should have noticed it."

"Exactly." Janeway said with a smile because she knew perfectly well why Seven had interrupted her. "There is no way to get this exact taste here in the Delta Quadrant. I will give a sample of the coffee beans to the doctor so that he can run some tests on them but I am willing to bet that this is original Earth coffee. The beans were grown in Earth's soil."

"Okay, so the only way that this coffee could taste like it's from Earth is that it IS from Earth." B'Elanna stated to get that point clear. She knew that the coffee wasn't important but the fact that it came from Earth.

"Yes." The Captain agreed. "But how in Hell did a trader in the Delta Quadrant acquire coffee from Earth? I doubt that he just flew there and knocked on the Federation's door asking. 'May I have some of your delicious coffee. I could make a nice profit selling it in the Delta Quadrant.' That's not possible. Well, it is not possible for somebody who has to make a living as a trader. But that's the only explanation for such similarities I can come up with."

"Maybe Q is having fun again." B'Elanna offered. "He already transported Voyager to the Alpha quadrant once. It wouldn't be hard for him to get some of that coffee and pose as a trader."

"No, that is not his style. First of all, he would want us to know that he was playing with us. So he would never have disappeared again before the 'fun' actually starts. And second, he wouldn't have to ask Seven to write him those codes. He has the powers to make accidents like that happen without having to disguise it." Janeway sighed and rubbed her face with her hands. "Which brings us back to the important issue. Obviously this trader used at least one of those codes to hide a trap on board. I really don't think that that trap was the only one. Especially because it was specifically designed for Tom and also designed to activate when he passed a certain place on the ship a certain amount of times. So what can we do about that?"

Seven couldn't stop feeling responsible because the codes that she had written were used to endanger the crew, her collective. "That is 'the bad news' as you would call it. Because of the way I wrote those codes, it is not possible to do a ship wide scan. The infected areas would not show up on internal sensors. The only way to be absolutely certain if a system is affected or not is for me to go and check them out, individually."

The Captain actually straightened up on the couch when she heard that. "Surely there must be another way. There are thousands of systems on Voyager which could be affected. It would take you years to check them all out."

"Not years, months. But I suspect that this trader started with the more important systems. For instance, it would be a waste to use one of the codes to make one of the sonic showers malfunction. I was planning on starting with the more important systems. Once I find all of the codes we will be once again sure that every system on Voyager operates within acceptable parameters."

"But what if he copied the codes and used one particular code more than once?" While she did ask, the Captain dreaded the answer. Visions danced before her eyes, that somewhere along the line, years from now, in some future battle, suddenly the photon torpedo launchers would decide to stop working. Or worse, that the torpedoes would detonate before leaving the ship.

"That... It is not possible. When I was writing the codes I integrated a string of code that prevented the complete code from being copied. If he were somehow able to remove that extra string, the entire code would become useless. There are not, and will not, be more than three thousand one hundred and eighteen codes."

"Whoa. I'm impressed Seven. Are you telling us you actually didn't trust that trader?"

"Why do you ask, B'Elanna? Because I added the safeguard? No. I trusted him as well. I just wanted to prevent unnecessary spread of Borg technology."

"Seven." The Captain interrupted. "Why did you just say that you have to look for those codes? We got a complete engineering department. I'm sure that we could bring the time that we are searching for those codes back to a week or two if everybody with engineering knowledge went looking for them."

"That approach would be extremely unproductive Captain. Only B'Elanna and Lieutenant Kim would be capable of finding these codes in an expeditious manner. There is a distinct possibility that others would not find the code in an affected area. That would even be counterproductive. It would be more productive if the others concentrated on doing their daily jobs and covering my shifts in Astrometrics. That way I would be free to keep searching for those codes."

"And why are you the only one who can find those codes so quickly? You have to use the same technology as the others?" Janeway asked kindly.

"I..."

"Actually, Captain." B'Elanna spoke up before Seven could start digging a hole. "I was there when Seven found that first code and I have to agree with her that it would be extremely difficult for others to use her approach in finding those codes so quickly. I think it would be best if Seven and I went after those codes and the others kept their eyes open for anything that might indicate a problem. It is possible that some of the systems will only gradually start malfunctioning."

"B'Elanna, it is not necessary for you to assist me in this task."

B'Elanna closed her eyes for a moment and started counting to ten. Surprisingly her agitation was gone by the count of four. It was then that the Klingon realized that Seven was feeling guilty and did not want to bother anybody else with what, in Seven's eyes, was the ex-Borg's own problem.

"Listen Seven. If the Borg attack Voyager, which department makes the repairs?"

"Engineering of course. But..."

"Right. Now, those codes are causing damage to the ship. Correct?"

"Yes, but..."

"So why wouldn't the Chief Engineer make repairs on her... the ship?"

"Because, B'Elanna, that damage is caused by codes that I wrote."

"But did you dream them up or are those codes designed by the Borg?"

"They are Borg codes, but I did write them down."

"So you are basically saying that you are at fault here because you wrote those codes down?"

"Yes but..."

"Seven, people have been killed by Voyager's weapons. Weapons that I built, enhance, and maintain. Am I responsible for their death?"

"Of course not. You build those weapons to defend Voyager. But..."

"Exactly Seven. Look, when the Hirogen misused our holographic technology many of them died. But it would be wrong to blame Voyager for their deaths. They misused our technology and they are responsible for that.
The Borg have designed those encryption codes to defend themselves. Originally those codes were defensive, not offensive. Don't blame yourself if somebody misuses what you have created."

There was a long silence in the ready room after that statement. Janeway realized that something important was going on between B'Elanna and Seven.

Finally Seven gave a small nod.
"I will appreciate your assistance B'Elanna."

"Ha!"

"B'Elanna Torres. Why is that remark accompanied by a grin as if somebody had given you a second phaser in a velocity match?"

"Because, my dear Seven, I just realized that I can actually win a argument with you when I stick to logic."

"Should I be frightened?"

However before B'Elanna could answer that, the Captain interrupted.
"Well now that you have figured that all out, why don't you to get started? Where are you going to begin?"

"Engineering."

"The warp core."

Seven and B'Elanna looked at each other for moment and then finally B'Elanna
combined their answers. "The warp core, which is in Engineering."

"So what do you suggest we do in the meantime? Should certain parts of Voyager be closed off? The holodecks come to mind here."

B'Elanna shook her head in a negative manner before answering.
"I don't think that doing that will have much of a effect. I agree, the holodecks should be checked out before being used again. But Harry can do that. Tom told me that he and Harry were going to Holodeck Two later on. I think that Harry will gladly check out both holodecks first if that means that he can use them later on. And I trust Harry enough to know that he will not rush his job only to be able to use the holodeck a little quicker. While the technology of the holodeck is very extensive there is a surprisingly small amount of areas that can be affected by viruses. Everything else that effects the holodeck also effects the main computer. And that would mean that the holodeck would be shut down."

"But all the problems we had with the holodecks..." Janeway started before being interrupted by B'Elanna.

"...all the problems with the holodecks we had were always hardware errors or something that could not be reproduced by a virus. No, Captain. Surprisingly enough, the holodecks are relatively safe. There is a bigger chance of something happening at one of the workstations then there is of something happening in the holodecks. And for other areas being shut down... That could also create more problems then it would solve.

"There's a high possibility that some of these traps will be actually activated by NOT using a certain piece of equipment anymore. The virus we already have is a good example of that. Each and every member of the crew could have walked through that corridor a hundred thousand times and nothing would have happened. It was targeted at Tom. But other viruses could easily be activated by, for instance, me not going to engineering for more than two days.

"Listen Captain. I could offer you a number of things we could change as a precaution but then I could also offer you explanations why these precautions might not work, or might actually be counteractive. In my opinion, the best option really is to let everything go on as normal and have Seven and me go looking for those codes."

"Very well." The Captain relented. "But there will be a senior staff meeting in one hour. While we will go on with our daily lives I want each department ready to react in case something happens. I also want them extra alert. A minor difference in one of the systems is usually ignored or corrected by the person working at that system but now I want everything reported. Everything could be the beginning of a very major problem.
Dismissed, but I will see you both in one hour."

The two woman were almost to the door when Janeway added.
"Oh B'Elanna, could I speak you for moment?"

"Sure Captain."

"I will already go to Engineering and start preparing the warp core." Seven said to B'Elanna before turning to the Captain. "That means that Voyager will have to drop out of warp until the inspection are complete."

"Of course, Seven. We are in a relatively quiet part of space at the moment so dropping out of warp for a couple of hours will be no problem."

"I have to go to my quarters first." B'Elanna said while walking back to the couch. "So I think it is best to start our inspection after the senior staff meeting. Is that okay with you Seven?"

"Of course B'Elanna. I will see you at the meeting." With that, the cool blonde disappeared through the doors.

"Okay what's up?"

"Captain?"

"Kathryn." Janeway corrected. Indicating that there was no Captain in the upcoming conversation. "Two days ago you were sitting in that very same spot going on and on about how Seven once again had disrupted your work schedule. How I should keep that 'stupid Borg' out of engineering, how..."

"She is not stupid." B'Elanna interrupted. "She may ignore things up to the point that you might think she's stupid, but she is one of the most intelligent people I know. No, she IS the most intelligent person I know."

"Why, thank you very much." Janeway said with a smile.

B'Elanna also smiled when she realized what she just said. But she was not prepared to take back her words. "Sorry Cap-Kathryn. While you may be very trained in giving commands and taking decisions Seven IS smarter than you. She is also smarter than Tuvok. But being smart and being capable of command are two entirely different things. I think she might be very capable of being in command... eventually."

"I think you're right, B'Elanna. But all of this really does not answer my question. What happened between you two?"

"Not much really. I just took your advice and stopped shouting and started listening."

"And?" Janeway asked gently. She could see that this was difficult for the Klingon.

"And? I found out that I am a complete asshole." A tear rolled down B'Elanna's face when she continued. "She wants to be my friend, Kathryn."

That tear was all the encouragement that Janeway needed to take the Klingon into a comforting hug. B'Elanna rested her head on Janeway's shoulder and this time did not try to stop her tears. Klingons did not cry, but that fact had never stopped her human side from doing so. In fact, it was her crying that had formed the strong connection with Janeway. All those years back Kathryn had at first not known what do when the strong Klingon suddenly had started crying in her ready room. Since then, Kathryn had been the only person on Voyager to ever see the Klingon cry.

"Oh Kathryn. I called her a friend and it made her smile. A smile that would lighten up anyone's day. One word from me and she smiles.
Only a couple of minutes of talking with her, without me trying to convince myself that I hate her, and I find a person who I want to have as a friend. Since she has been on board, her friendship was only one word away and I, the idiot, did nothing more than hurt her. I can't actually believe that she is still prepared to offer me that friendship. I really don't deserve it."

"Nonsense." Janeway disagreed. "You are just quite temperamental. It is just as much her fault for not seeing that. I like her just as much as I like you but don't turn this all into your fault. If she had tried a little more, you would have noticed and things would have been different."

"Careful, Kathryn. You are making the same mistake as I did."

"Meaning?" Janeway asked. By now the hug had ended and B'Elanna's crying was down to the occasional tear.

"Meaning that we are trying to use our way of thinking on Seven. And that is where we went wrong. Let me use Seven's own words, because I don't think I will ever forget them. 'Lieutenant, before you start explaining how I should have shown you that I wanted your friendship put yourself in my position. If somebody treated you the way you treated me until today, would you have made it known to that person that you really wanted their friendship?' Well Kathryn? Would you have? No. While I agree that Seven did do some things which made me dislike her even more, the fact remains that I never actually tried and that is the only reason why Seven and I are only now becoming friends."

"Well I am glad. Seven needs a friend and it seems that lately I'm not good enough anymore. Recently, her whole attitude towards me has been changing. It seems more strained that it should be. To be honest, I fear for our friendship."

B'Elanna was quiet for a moment. Deciding whether or not she should speak up. Eventually, the Klingon realized that her newfound friendship with Seven was more important than the fact that this friendship was not more than one day old.

"With all due respect, Kathryn, I don't think you have ever been Seven's friend."

"What!?" Janeway immediately went on the defensive. "If I haven't been a friend to her, then who was."

"Kathryn, I am talking about close friends here. Seven does have some friends on Voyager but, as close friends go, she only has Tuvok and Naomi, and I hope that now I am fortunate enough to also be called a close friend of Seven. You have been a friend, but not a close friend. You have been a mentor, a mother figure to Seven. But that does not necessarily make you into her close friend. I think the change in attitude from Seven, towards you, is because she has left the stage where she needs a mentor. Kind of like somebody leaving the parental house." Now B'Elanna took a deep breath and added. "If you want to stay in Seven's life then you need to change. Stop trying to protect her. But try being there for her when she gets hurt."

"That is quite some insight you suddenly developed there." Janeway said, slightly hurt. But not because of what B'Elanna had said but because Janeway knew that the Klingon was right. Janeway knew that she had to say goodbye to 'her child' if she wanted to keep her friend.

"I did not suddenly develop this insight. This is something I've noticed the last couple of weeks." B'Elanna shamefully hung her head before adding. "I just didn't care enough to tell you. Why should I care how you get along with... 'that stupid Borg'. I got to go now Kathryn."

Janeway understood why B'Elanna had to go. Not because of time pressure, but because her Klingon half could only tolerate showing weakness for so long. This was how it usually went. The human half would seek comfort and when the Klingon half had enough of that it would let itself be known. "Of course you do B'Elanna. Why don't you freshen up before you go."

B'Elanna did as Janeway had suggested, knowing that her tears must have shown, and that this was the reason why Janeway had suggested freshening up in the first place. When she left the ensuite B'Elanna glanced at Janeway. As always, that was enough. One single glance and a 'thank you' and a 'you're welcome' were exchanged without words.

"Please tell Chakotay that I want to see him, Lieutenant."

"Yes, Captain." And B'Elanna was out the doors onto the bridge.

"Chakotay, the Captain would like to see you."

Chakotay stood up and started to walk to the ready room. But he stopped when he reached B'Elanna. "Thanks. Say... do you have time later on? You still owe me a velocity match."

A grin proceeded her answer. But the answer was still negative. "Sorry, Chakotay, I don't have time. The Captain will explain."

"That's okay. But don't think i'll forget about it. We will have that match one of these days. And you are going to lose big time."

B'Elanna grinned again after hearing that statement. "That's right Chakotay. YOU are going to lose big time. Now I've really got to go. See you later."
And with that B'Elanna went to the turbolift while Chakotay went to the ready room.

Chapter 4

[For this chapter I would also like to thank Letterx for her input. VERY IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ! Special disclaimer: A certain scene of this chapter sounds very similar to a scene in the story 'Changes of the Heart' by Letterx. Be assured that this is the result of two people having the same idea and that in NO way were any rights infringed upon. If you do not know what I'm talking about after reading this chapter than that means that you are probably not reading 'Changes of the Heart' by Letterx. And all I can say to you then is: tsk tsk. Shame on you, you do not know what you're missing. Now, if you want my advice, you go and start reading 'Taking Command'. The first of three truly excellent stories by Letterx. Go read them, you won't be sorry.]

When B'Elanna entered her quarters she was surprised to find her husband sitting on the couch.
"Tom, what are you doing here? I thought you were planning on tinkering with the Delta flyer this afternoon?"
B'Elanna asked while she went to him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Hi to you too." He said with a smile. Then he picked up the padd he had obviously been reading recently. "Well I am actually working on the flyer, kind of. I was going over your suggestions and trying to find a way to integrate that shield enhancement without having to alter the lines of the flyer."

"Hi Tom." She said with a smile before getting serious. "Tom, that shield enhancement can save your life in a battle. By then, you really won't mind if the line of the flyer is being broken."

After hearing that opening, he could not resist and turned on his boyish charms to the maximum. "Oh, but B'Elanna, it would be a shame to spoil a beautiful body line by adding bumps. Bumps are only beautiful if they are in specific places."

"Very funny." B'Elanna said without giving an indication that she really thought his remark was funny.

B'Elanna's reaction made Tom once again realize that things were different than they had once been. There was a time that his jokes actually did amuse B'Elanna. But with pain in his heart he realized that that time had been before they got married. "Well let me turn that question around on you. What are you doing here? You're only halfway through your shift."

"I am here to grab a bite to eat and change my uniform. I won't have time later on."

Now Tom's curiosity was awakened. "Why? What's going on?" He asked while B'Elanna came back into the room after changing her uniform and went to the replicator.

That question stopped all of B'Elanna's movements for a moment before she replicated something to eat. She went to the chair opposite of the couch Tom was sitting on and she placed the snack she just replicated on the coffee table between them. "Kahless, I'm sorry Tom. We found out what caused your accident and I will be working a lot of extra hours in the near future, because your accident wasn't a accident."

"Whoa, wait a second. Who is 'we' and what do you mean when you say that it wasn't an accident?"

B'Elanna took her snack and started eating. Never thinking of offering Tom something to eat. Because that was how it went lately. They never seemed to find the time to do something together, even as simple as sharing a dinner. Both would replicate something when they got hungry. There wasn't even a set time anymore for... for anything. The only thing they seem to enjoy together lately
was sleeping. Not the sex part, though that was nice also, but the real sleeping together. The comfort of not being alone in those long dark nights that only the Delta quadrant seemed capable of providing.
"Well I could explain about the 'accident' but you will hear it again in half an hour anyhow so you'll just have to be patient until then." A grin took away the hardness of the words. "And as for who 'we' is. I mean Seven and me."

"You mean you let Popsicle actually help you?"

"Don't call her that, Tom."

The tone in his wife's voice told Tom that for some bizarre reason Seven of Nine was suddenly off-limits for jokes. He was smart enough not to mention that only one day earlier Seven still was the most favorite target for B'Elanna herself. Instead of the reply he had ready he changed his approach to simply asking: "Why not?"

B'Elanna realized that Tom would not be the last one to ask that question so she practiced what was going to be her standard reply, on him. "Because she is my friend."

"Okay. So that was the official reply." Tom said, knowing his wife only too well. "But I would like to hear the real reason. Harry is also your friend but it never stopped you from joking about him, preferably when he is around to actually hear it."

By now B'Elanna was finished eating and put her bowl down. "Those jokes are meant in fun. I am making fun with him, not about him. That is why I usually only do that when he is around.
Tom, when Seven and I were trying to solve what happened to you something clicked between us. Maybe we both simply had enough of the hostilities, I don't know. But from today on, Seven IS my friend and you know how I protect my friends. So please be careful what you say next time."

"Geez, B'Elanna. You are talking as if Seven's your whole life. I am sorry, but I simply cannot forget that less than forty-eight hours ago YOU were the one who called her Popsicle."

"I know it seems ridiculous Tom. But I gotta confess that I feel kind of guilty for the way I always treated her. I guess I'm just overreacting. It is as you say. Yesterday I hated her, today I like her. I guess I'm just still in the process of getting acquainted with the idea."

"Okay, she's off-limits... for now. But I tell you B'Elanna, she won't be off-limits forever."

"Tom..."

Tom interrupted, and surprised, his wife by adding. "But the jokes will be of the nice kind. Come on, B'Elanna. Even you have to admit that Seven correcting Chakotay is something that has to be joked about."

"Hey!" B'Elanna said with a smile. She knew that Tom was trying to get the serious conversation into a lighter mood, and she was thankful for it.
"Seven was right when she corrected him. That course he had suggested would have taken us through a radiation-filled gas cloud, to the rim of a blackhole, through not one, but three war zones, and a giant asteroid field just thrown in for good measures."

"Exactly!" Tom said excited. "The way she told him in her dry, serious, voice that her route would take one day longer but was not as likely to get the ship destroyed was priceless. Chakotay didn't say a word for the rest of the senior staff meeting. Now, I ask you. How could I possibly not a joke about that?"

"Thanks, Tom. Well, I'm off. Are you coming along? You are expected at this meeting you know."

"No you go ahead. I want to grab a bite to eat myself before going to the conference room. I'll be along in a couple of minutes."

"Okay," was all B'Elanna said before stepping through the door.

When the door closed behind B'Elanna she took a moment to compose herself. She wondered if this was all a marriage had to offer. These games of pretend. Every time she stepped into the Torres/Paris quarters B'Elanna Torres stopped existing. As soon as she would step through the door she would become B'Elanna the wife. She wondered if this was so for every married couple. There had to be a way to be B'Elanna Torres, the wife, the partner, the woman.

Slowly, B'Elanna started walking down the corridor, the pain of something missing heavy on her hearts.

When the door closed behind B'Elanna, Tom looked at it for a moment before closing his eyes, all thoughts about food forgotten. He had lost his appetite the same moment B'Elanna started defending Seven.
People often thought that Tom Paris was nothing more than a big child.
Those people seem to forget that this child was capable of pushing a starship like Voyager beyond its construction limits and yet have it survive time and time again. No, Tom Paris was not a mere child. He liked acting like one because of the freedom that gave him but he had a brain and at that moment he knew more than B'Elanna.
He knew that the time was there. He had to act.

* * *

B'Elanna was operating on her last reserves when she entered her quarters. She and Seven had gone directly to work after the senior staff meeting and they had worked for twelve hours. Only taking a half-hour break to get something to eat in the mess hall. If you added to that: the senior staff meeting, the report to the Captain before that, finding the virus before that, and first working almost half a shift before even that, you would realize that it had been a eighteen-hour workday for B'Elanna.

And it had been a draining one. She and Seven had found seventeen codes and viruses already. Only three thousand, one hundred to go.
It seemed that the viruses could be divided into two categories. The first category was targeted at members of the crew; the second category was targeted at the systems of Voyager.
The fourth virus was targeted at Vorik. Had Vorik entered Engineering another fifteen times the doors would have closed with enough force to break even some of his Vulcan bones.
The fourteenth virus was directed at Carey, but this virus was controlled by a time limit. Everything would have been fine for the next two years. But after that time, the Chief Engineer's office would have sealed the next time Carey had entered and then all air would have been pumped out of the office, creating a vacuum.
So it now seemed that anybody on board Voyager could be a target. Tom just happened to be the first one who triggered a trap.

The good news was that until now none of the viruses would have cost a fatal accident.
Even with the virus targeted at Carey, there would have been enough time for him to beam out of the office. Barely enough time, but enough.
The bad news was that Seven had been right.

Until now all the viruses targeted at systems had been targeted at important systems, and all would have caused a lot of trouble if they had been activated.
The second virus they had found had indeed been with the warp core. They had been just in time. If the warp engines had been engaged another four times the warp core would have automatically jettisoned.
The eighth virus would have started the automatic disconnection of the saucer section.
The twelfth virus would have overheated the thrusters to the point of meltdown. It would have been repairable but it would have taken days.

No, B'Elanna knew that they had been lucky until now. With the yet so many codes unaccounted for it was only a matter of time before an other virus would activate before it was found.

It was dark in the quarters, only one small light was on. The one at the replicator. That light was always on, it was malfunctioning. And it also was a good indicator that B'Elanna Torres the Engineer did not exist in the Paris/Torres quarters. B'Elanna Torres the Engineer could not accept any malfunctions on board Voyager of any kind what so ever, yet that light had been malfunctioning since the very first week of her marriage with Tom. It had never crossed the mind of B'Elanna Torres the wife to fix the light. Only minutes of work and yet the wife had never even thought of it.

"B'Elanna." Tom said from out of the dark at the very same moment B'Elanna's tired brain registered another presence in the room.

"Computer. Lights, half intensity." B'Elanna said while she turned to the voice of her husband. "Hi, why are you sitting in the dark like that. I thought you would be asleep by now."
She went to sit in her favorite place, the chair, and looked over the coffee table at Tom. Suddenly she wondered when that happened. She remembered a time when she would sit down on the couch beside him. But now, she always sat down in the chair and he always set down on the couch. Always separated by the coffee table. B'Elanna realized that this situation could be seen as a good reflection of their marriage. Both having a specific place, yet on opposite sides with a barrier between them.

"I had the lights out because I needed to think, make some decisions."

"What are you talking about? Tom, it's late and I'm tired. Can this wait until tomorrow? I really want to go to bed."

"I don't think that it can wait. We need to talk, B'Elanna. We need to talk about our marriage."

That was enough to fully waken the Klingon.
"And what exactly, in our marriage, do you want to talk about?"

"B'Elanna... you know that I love you... But, our marriage, B'Elanna, it is not working."

"And what do you want to change?" B'Elanna asked, not denying that the marriage was not working. She knew that Tom was right about that. She was just wondering what he had come up with to change it.

Tom did not look at B'Elanna while saying his next words, he couldn't. He did love B'Elanna and he knew that that was why he had to say it, but that did not make it any easier.
"I think we should end it. Our marriage is already over, let's make it official."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this. You were the one who proposed to me and now YOU want to end our marriage?"
B'Elanna really couldn't help it, but her Klingon side gave a distinct growl to the last six words.

"Don't you get it? I want to see you happy. Tell me B'Elanna, when was the last time you were happy? As far as our marriage is concerned."

It took only a couple seconds for the entire marriage to cross before B'Elanna eyes. And what she saw was enough to quiet the Klingon down. She sighed and leaned back in the chair. She closed her eyes for a moment and let it all surface. All those feelings she had been suppressing. Finally she did what she should have done a lot earlier. She accepted it. Marrying her best friend had been a mistake.
"We had a lot of good moments. But if you really want to know the last time I've been happy in our marriage, I have to admit that was on our wedding day.
Since then I have always felt like two people. When I'm here at home, with you, I am B'Elanna 'the wife'. But when I'm somewhere else I am B'Elanna Torres 'the woman', Chief Engineer, the person I want to be. I don't like being 'the wife'.
You're right, Tom, our marriage is not working. We are drifting more and more apart instead of becoming closer. But 'the wife' could not accept that; 'the wife' could be content with our marriage but 'the woman' would not have accepted this marriage for much longer. It is just that, until now, 'the wife' was still trying to resist reality."
B'Elanna could see that her honest answer hurt Tom terribly.

His eyes lowered to the coffee table and he spoke so quietly that was more of a mumble, yet she heard him clearly.
"I married B'Elanna the woman. I never wanted for B'Elanna the wife to appear."

It was at that moment that B'Elanna realized what he meant.
She knew that Tom was not ending the marriage because he didn't love her anymore. Tom was ending the marriage because he did love her. He loved her so much that he only wanted to see her happy, and he knew that he was not making her happy.
"I am so sorry Tom. I wish I could be content with what we have. You are a good husband."

That brought a smile to Tom's face. "I don't want you to be 'content' I want you to look at your marriage and KNOW that you are the luckiest person in the universe. I want you to look at your marriage and wonder how it is possible that one person can be your entire universe."
His voice lowered again before speaking the reality.
"And I know that I'm not that person."

"I do love you, you know."

"I know, B'Elanna. But it is the wrong kind of love. You love me as a friend, don't you?"

B'Elanna gave a hesitant nod. Admitting the last secret in their marriage.
"You know, before we got married you were my best friend. Now you're my husband. Tell me Tom, if we end our marriage, would I be lucky enough to get my friend back?"

"I want to be a part of your life. And if I can't be your husband I desperately want to be your friend. Yes, B'Elanna, you will get that friend back."

"So this is it? Tomorrow we will make the request official?"

Tom took a padd from the coffee table and handed it to B'Elanna.
She activated it and started reading. The first words quickly made clear that what they just talked about was actually about to happen.
And it also made clear that Tom had known that she would agree that the marriage really was over.
'To Captain Kathryn Janeway.
Official request for the dissolution of the marriage contract between Thomas Eugene Paris and B'Elanna Torres.'
B'Elanna's eyes skipped over the standard contract text to the reason for the divorce.
"Irreconcilable differences?"

B'Elanna had said the two words as a question and Tom answered.
"That's the only thing I could come up with."

That made B'Elanna smile for the first time since the conversation had started.
"When you think of it, it's kind of strange isn't it? We really fit together perfectly. We could be a great couple."
B'Elanna was took a deep breath before adding the painful but honest truth.
"If I could only love you as a husband."

"Don't go there." Tom warned. "B'Elanna, I know you. You need more than that. You don't need a love you could settle for. You need the kind of love that makes your toes curl. You need to love somebody so much that it makes you glad that you have two hearts because one of them always stops beating when you see the person you love.
THAT is the kind of love you need. Not what you have for me."

B'Elanna looked at Tom wistfully. Now that she was talking to her best friend again, for the very first in a long time, she asked. "Do you think I will ever find that? I dream about it sometimes, you know.
I and somebody I don't know are on the most beautiful planet I have ever seen. But that planet is crawling with dangerous creatures.
Yet, I am lying in that somebody's arms and the universe is perfect. We are on the beach of an ocean. Creatures that could kill me in seconds are all around us. But the love between that person and me is so great that not even the most dangerous creatures on the planets would harm us. They would know that our love is so special that it needs to be preserved. They would kill anybody who even tried to come near us. Yet, at night those same deadly creatures would share their body heat with us.
In the morning cat-like creatures so powerful that they could dent the Delta flyer are playing with us as if they were harmless kittens.
And all of that because all those creatures can feel the love that person and I share."

"That is beautiful B'Elanna. And that is also what you need."
Then Tom brought the attention back to the ending marriage.
"She is going to ask, you know. Janeway, she will want to know what those differences are."

Now B'Elanna actually started grinning. "You know, I really can't think of anything."

That made Tom laugh out loud. "Tell me something I don't know."

"Well I really hate those stupid Captain Proton programs of yours. And all of that time you spent on the holodeck." B'Elanna finally said desperately, and laughing. Suddenly she realized that she was sitting on the couch next to her friend. She wondered when she had actually moved from the chair to the couch, she couldn't remember it. But for the first in a very, very long time it felt right to sit there.

"Well, I really hate that mess you leave everywhere you go. For instance, just before I went to the senior staff meeting I had to put your bowl away because you had once again left it on the coffee table."

"Do you think she'll buy that?"
B'Elanna asked as she put her head against his shoulder in a desperate attempt to stop laughing.

"No. But it will be the only reasons we will give. The rest are private matters."
But then Tom became serious again and picked up the padd that B'Elanna had put on the coffee table after reading the contents.
He looked B'Elanna straight in the eyes and said: "When I put my thumbprint here, I will make it official from my side. So let me say one more time that I love you, my wife."

B'Elanna stopped Tom just before his thumb touched the padd. She took it from him and once again put it on the coffee table.
She brought her lips to his and kissed him one last time as his wife. When the kiss ended she tenderly caressed his cheek.
"Thank you for trying to make me happy, my husband."

Now that husband and wife had said goodbye, B'Elanna put her thumb on the padd and made her decision official.

Tom did the same and then quickly stood, not really knowing what to do next.
"I eh... I will go to Harry's for the rest of the night."

"Don't be ridiculous, Tom. I will not kick you out of what are also your quarters at two o'clock in the morning. You can stay here until Janeway has appointed your new quarters. I think I can tolerate you for a day or two more."

"Okay, thanks. Then I will grab some blankets and..."

B'Elanna interrupted Tom before he could even finish that sentence.
"And I am also not going to throw you out of the bed. Come on Tom, I know that you can keep your hands to yourself when I'm not in the mood.
You can sleep in the bed. Just pretend that I'm not in the mood."

With that, they both made their way to the bedroom. But now that the serious part was over Tom could not help but saying: "So you are in the mood, I just have to pretend that you're not.
Any chance of me getting lucky tonight?"

By now B'Elanna knew her husband, no, ex-husband well enough to know whether he was asking for real or whether he was joking. So she knew that he was only joking.
"If you keep that up, fly boy then you WILL find out how it is to sleep on the couch out there.

"Okay, okay. I have never been evicted to the couch in my entire married life. I sure as heck will not be evicted at the night my marriage ends."

"You are really asking for it, fly boy. So tell me, think you will be able to sleep tonight? I mean with me being naked and all."

That sure was enough to wipe the smile of Tom's face.
"You are going to sleep... naked?"

Knowing that she had won the round, B'Elanna removed the last of her clothes and deliberately used almost the same words Tom had only seconds before.
"I never wore clothes to bed in my entire married life. I sure as heck will not start wearing clothes to bed the night my marriage ends.
Goodnight Tom. Have pleasant dreams."
B'Elanna made no attempt to hide her grin when she heard Tom mumbling.

"The couch suddenly sounds mighty fine to me."

Chapters 5 to 6