Part 1

The ship was still rocking from the explosion when she heard the Captain’s voice.

"Torres, report."

"I don’t know for sure, Captain, I’m in sickbay. But whatever happened has thrown the Doctor’s program off line."

"Is his matrix okay?"

"I don’t know. I am having a very difficult time recovering it. If I can’t get it back in the next few minutes, I don’t know if I will be able to recover it."

It was quiet, and she knew the Captain was running through options in her mind. Then, the voice came over the com again, "Is there anything we can do to help?"

"I could use another couple of hands. Could you get Seven here?" She was concentrating, working as hard and as fast as she could. "And could you tell her to get here fast?"

She knew the Captain would give the order and then turn her attention to whatever it was that had caused the explosion. She would have to let them worry about that right now. She had her hands full trying to save the Doctor.

"Where is Seven?" She was running out of time.

The doors swished open, and Seven came rushing in. "Lieutenant."

"Get over here and help me," B’Elanna’s voice was urgent. "The Doctor’s program has gone off line, and I am having trouble recovering him. I need you to initiate EMH Emergency Recovery Program now!"

Seven of Nine moved to the nearest console and joined B’Elanna Torres in trying to recover the Doctor’s program.

"Activating EMH Emergency Recovery Program," said Seven, tersely.

"Loading program parameters," reported Lieutenant Torres.

"Recovery program at twenty percent."

"Setting program parameters, initiating backup procedures."

"Recovery program at fifty percent."

"Backup program running." B’Elanna was starting to breathe a little easier.

Suddenly, another explosion sent both B’Elanna Torres and Seven of Nine sprawling to the floor. Each fought to regain their footing, grabbing for their respective consoles. B’Elanna looked at her console and glanced over to Seven’s. She hit her combadge, "Torres to Bridge." She didn’t even wait for the Captain to respond, "We need power rerouted to sickbay now!" She was standing, holding her breath. She looked over at Seven. Seven’s face had lost all of its color, and her eyes were locked on the console in front of her, her hands poised, waiting.

The consoles flickered and came alive. Both women started working immediately, hands flying over the console commands.

"What do you have, Seven?"

"I have activated EMH Emergency Recovery Program." She hesitated, "The program appears to still be functional." B’Elanna could hear the strain in her voice.

"Loading program parameters."

"Recovery program running, reaching thirty percent."

"Setting program parameters and initiating backup procedures."

"Recovery program at sixty percent."

"Backup program running." She looked around the Sickbay. They could not afford another explosion right now. Please, she thought, just a few more minutes, just a few more minutes.

"Recovery program at ninety percent. Recovery program at ninety-five percent." Seven looked up at her, "Recovery is complete. Program synching in progress."

"Backup running, matrix looks stable."

The Doctor began to materialize in front of them. His program was sputtering. B’Elanna quickly worked to make the necessary adjustments to stabilize it. Finally, the Doctor solidified and stood there, looking at both of them, his eyes alert for signs of any trouble.

"Am I safe? Am I okay?"

B’Elanna was concentrating on reading the results of the diagnostics. "I think you are safe now, Doctor. I am backing your program up on multiple systems. Voyager would have to have a total power failure for us to lose you now." She smiled at him, hoping to make him feel better.

"But what happened?"

"I don’t know. Voyager has suffered two significant explosions. The first took your program out, and the second almost kept us from recovering you. Once I am sure I have you stabilized, I’ll go run down the other problem. Seven, are you reading any anomalies?"

When she did not receive an answer, she looked up. "Seven?"

But Seven was standing, staring at the Doctor, her face colorless, her expression blank.

B’Elanna tried again, this time louder, "Seven!"

Seven jumped and looked at the Lieutenant in surprise. "What?"

"I asked you if you were reading any anomalies in the Doctor’s program." Her voice was sharp.

Seven immediately looked down to her console, obviously trying to focus her thoughts. After a few moments, she looked up, "No, Lieutenant. I read no anomalies." She looked briefly at the Doctor, then quickly back down to her console. "System appears to be functioning normally."

"Thank you, Seven. I appreciate your help."

The Doctor turned to her, "And I want to thank you. I want to thank both of you."

Seven did not reply. She just stood, looking at him.

He frowned, "Seven?"

B’Elanna looked in her direction, and Seven seemed to shake herself. "I am glad I could be of service." She turned to face B’Elanna, "Lieutenant, do you require my assistance any longer?"

"No, Seven, I think I have it under control. You may leave."

Seven gave her a slight nod and, looking at the Doctor one last time, turned and left the Sickbay.

B’Elanna watched her leave and shook her head, "What an ice queen!" She went back to her work.

The Doctor was still looking at the doors she had walked out of. No, she wasn’t an ice queen. What he had seen in her face had surprised him. What he had seen was not the expression of an ice queen. Far from it.

* * *

She walked from the sickbay. She moved quickly, desperate to get back to Astrometrics. The doors opened as she neared, and she was relieved to find it empty. She rushed to the console, grabbing onto it for support. Her legs were giving out from under her. She was breathing deeply, quickly, almost fighting to catch her breath. Her mind was whirling. She could not even think a complete thought. Everything was jumbled.

They had almost lost him. If his matrix had totally destabilized, he would have been gone, and they would not have been able to get him back. They would have lost him. She would have lost him.

She could feel her heart almost thudding out of her chest, the blood pounding in her ears so loudly she could not hear. She got so light headed she had to sit down. She put her hand to her face and felt the tears running down.

What was happening to her?

She had almost lost him.

The sob escaped her, and she did not even try to hold it back.

* * *

Her eyes flew open and she stumbled out of her alcove.

"Warning. Regeneration cycle incomplete."

She was gripped in fear. She felt just as she had earlier in the afternoon. She stepped from the alcove, almost falling. Regaining her footing, she rushed from cargo bay two. She moved as quickly as she could without actually running. Even so, it seemed to take forever for her to get to sickbay. The doors opened and she entered a darkened room. This scared her. She felt as if someone was squeezing her heart.

The Doctor was no where to be seen. He had not automatically activated when she entered. Her fear rising, she could barely get the words out, "Computer, activate the Emergency Medical Hologram."

She watched, waiting. It was only a second, but it seemed like a lifetime. Then, he was materializing in front of her.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency." He completed his announcement, then looked around and saw her, "Seven? Is something wrong?" He moved toward her, but she backed up. He stopped.

"I…I…had a dream." It was all she said.

He looked at her. As earlier, her face had lost all of its color. Her eyes were wide with fear. He could feel her heightened blood pressure, her quickened pulse. He knew she was having an anxiety attack but he knew he should not tell her right now. He knew he could not say anything to her right now.

They stood there for what seemed forever. The Doctor felt as if they were in a staring contest, but he did not move. Finally, she moved toward him, stopping within an arm’s length from him. She reached out and put her hand on his chest as if to assure herself that he was really there. He watched the emotions play across her face, heard her breathing deepen and felt her hand grip his shirt and tighten into a fist.

He tried to keep his voice soft, "Seven?"

"I dreamed we were not successful." Her voice broke as she stumbled over her words. "I dreamed we lost you."

He was being very careful not to move. He smiled at her, "But you did not and I am here. It was only a dream."

She relaxed her grip on his shirt, stretching her fingers out so that her hand was pressed against his chest. She continued to look him in the eye. He slowly reached his arms forward and put his hands on the backs of her elbows. He gently pulled her toward him. At first, she hesitated, pulling slightly against him, but he smiled encouragingly at her, and she let him pull her toward him. She put her other hand against his chest as he pulled her into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She leaned her head down on his shoulder, and he pressed his head against her check. They stood there until he felt her breathing and heartbeat return to normal. He could have stayed like this forever.

Finally, he said, "It is okay, Seven. It was only a dream. I am fine. You don’t have to be afraid anymore."

"If I had lost you…." It was a whisper, so soft he almost did not hear it.

"But you didn’t." He held her. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of her in his arms. Too soon, he felt her move away from him and, as hard as it was to do, he let her go.

She stood, now outside of his arms, but still holding her hand on his chest, almost reluctant to let go.

"Thank you." Her voice was hoarse and thick with emotion.

"Of course." He wanted so much to reach for her again but knew doing so would be the wrong thing to do.

She let her hand slowly fall from his chest and back to her side. She gave him a slight turn of her head. She seemed confused, uncertain what to do next. She took a deep breath, turned and left.

He went to his desk and sat slowly down in his chair. He could still feel her body pressing into his. ‘If I had lost you.’ That is what she had said. ‘If I had lost you.’

"Oh, Seven."

* * *

She went to Astrometrics. She had to be alone. She sat on the edge of the platform. She could still feel his arms around her. She could feel his cheek against hers. Leaving had been so difficult and so necessary. She had to get away from him so she could think. She was confused. Standing there, with his arms around her, she had felt safe. But then, she felt the confusion flooding her, and she knew she had to get away.

The dream had been so real. It had frightened her so much, and she had been sure he would not be there when she got to sickbay. When he had materialized in front of her she had had to make certain he was real. But when she touched him, it was like electricity had run through her body. She had felt connected to him, and she could not let him go.

What was this? What was happening to her?

As badly as her dream had scared her, this feeling scared her more.

* * *

B’Elanna walked into the sickbay, dirty and bleeding. "Hello, Doctor. I need your help."

"What happened to you?" He quickly seated her on the biobed and started to scan her.

"I had a little accident trying to fix a power relay conduit."

"Did that have anything to do with the explosions yesterday?"

"Yes. It had everything to do with it. We almost had another explosion today." She quickly added to reassure him when he reacted to her comment, "But don’t worry, Doctor, I have your program protected. What happened yesterday won’t happen again."

"That’s a relief. Thank you, B’Elanna." He was working on her with his medical tricorder, "I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I owe my program to you."

She laughed at his play on words. "You are welcome."

"What happened yesterday?"

"You know, it was actually a simple mistake. One of the crew was doing some repairs and crossed two access lines. Then, when he tried to fix it, he crossed them again. Sickbay was the only place that sustained any real damage."

"Lucky me. Well, I think I am through with you." He looked over his work and, satisfied, replaced his equipment. "I think you can return to work. Or, maybe take a sonic shower." He smiled fondly at her. He knew there was only one thing B’Elanna liked more than getting dirty in engineering and that was cleaning in the sonic shower.

"Thanks, Doctor. I am heading for that shower now."

He hesitated, but spoke to her as she was getting up from the biobed. "B’Elanna, may I ask you a question?"

"Sure." She was somewhat distracted and arranging her clothes.

"I. Uh, I…" He couldn’t figure out exactly how to ask his question.

B’Elanna looked at him, "What is it, Doctor?"

He could tell she was concerned about his program. He struggled to ask his question, "I, um, I hope you won’t think I am prying, B’Elanna, but…" She looked at him expectantly, trying to follow exactly where this was going. "When did you realize you were in love with Mr. Paris?"

"Oh." Suddenly, she understood exactly what he was asking her and the events of the last day came back to her. The pieces of the puzzle fell into place. She walked away and moved to the opposite side of the biobed, more to give herself a chance to think. She put her hands on the bed and leaned forward. "Actually, Doctor, I think I knew I loved him for a long time before I would admit it. I did not even want to admit it to myself. I did not want to admit that I needed anyone in my life. It wasn’t until we were about to die that I found the courage to be honest with him, and with myself." She looked down at the hand he had just worked on, noticing how dirty it was. "You know, Doctor, sometimes life has to just slap you in the face to wake you up."

He nodded at her. "Thank you, B’Elanna. Now, I don’t want to keep you from that shower any longer. The Doctor can’t afford to make his doctor mad with him." He smiled at her.

She smiled back. Something else had happened yesterday. She was sure of it. And she thought she had an inkling of what it was. Everyone knew how the Doctor felt about Seven and the only person on the ship who did not know that Seven of Nine was in love with the Doctor was Seven of Nine. Maybe what had happened yesterday had finally forced something between the two of them.

She reached over and touched his arm, "Give her time, Doctor. It will be all right."

He looked at her in surprise, words failing him.

She laughed softly and turned, "I’m heading for a sonic shower." And she left.

* * *

He was working late. He had barely been able to concentrate all day. He found that he was constantly remembering what had happened last night. He had watched for her all day, but she had never come. He had even thought of looking for her but knew that would be the wrong thing for him to do. He could not push her. He could not rush her. He was not certain what she was going through right now but he knew he had to let her go through it in her own time.

He wanted desperately to reach out to her and to protect her. He could see that she was hurting right now. He did not want to do anything to make it any worse. He was about to deactivate himself when he heard the doors swish open.

For a moment, no one came in. Then, she slowly came through the doors, moving hesitantly. He walked out of his office and stood. She walked toward him, stopping within an arm’s length. Once again, she reached out and put her hand against his chest. As before, he reached his arms out and grasped his hands behind her elbows and pulled her to him. She came easily and folded herself into his arms. She was trembling. He held her tightly, trying to comfort her, but her trembling only increased. He leaned his head against hers and felt her return the pressure. He lowered his head and kissed her neck. She shivered. He loosened his arms to pull back a little, and she did the same. He looked her in the eyes. She glanced down at his lips and back to his eyes. He looked at her questioningly, and she lifted her head to him. He leaned forward, almost tentatively, expecting her to turn at any moment, and kissed her softly on the lips. It was a tender, almost chaste kiss, but he lingered and felt her return it. He pulled back and looked at her face again. He had to make certain he was not scaring her. She put her head down for only a second before raising it to him again. He leaned forward, and this time she met him, her mouth slightly open. He tightened his arms around her. They kissed deeply. When the kiss ended, she pulled back. She took her hand from his chest and put it to the base of her throat. She put the fingers of her other hand on her lips and backed away from him. She closed her eyes for a long moment. Even from this distance, he could feel her trembling. Then, she opened her eyes, looked at him, turned and left.

Once again, he found himself watching the door she had walked out of.

* * *

B’Elanna walked into the sickbay. "Hi, Doctor. I’m making a house call." She moved to the center console and starting running a diagnostic.

He was concerned, "Did something happen?"

"No, I’m just checking things out. Making certain everything is running okay. Thought I’d better check your program while I was at it." She watched him return to his work. Actually, she wasn’t really here to check on his program. She was much more interested in him.

She had seen Seven of Nine in the mess hall. Seven had come in, gotten her food and sat off by herself in as secluded a corner as she could find. B’Elanna had watched her as closely as she dared. Seven had seemed distracted and upset. She had picked at her food and spent most of the meal staring out the window into space. B’Elanna thought she looked more like someone who had lost a love than someone who had found one. She decided to see how the Doctor was.

"Good news, Doctor. Your program looks to be okay. No anomalies."

"That is good news. Thank you." He turned from her absently.

She stood wondering what to do next. Well, it was her nature to be up front. "So, Doctor, how are things going with Seven?"

His head shot in her direction, the look on his face…strange. Without realizing what she was doing, she stepped back.

"Whoa, Doctor," she put her hand up, "I’m sorry if I said anything out of place. I didn’t mean to upset you."

His expression changed immediately and he relaxed. "I’m sorry, B’Elanna. I don’t know why I reacted like that."

"Do I take it that things aren’t going as well as you would like?"

"B’Elanna, I don’t know how things are going." He looked at her and opened his mouth to speak. Suddenly, he stopped himself, "No. This isn’t right. I’m sorry, I can’t say anything else."

"Why not?"

He stood, weighing his words carefully. "B’Elanna, I appreciate your concern, but it is no secret that you and Seven are anything but friends. It would be inappropriate for me to discuss something of a personal nature involving her with you."

B’Elanna was nodding her head. "I can understand your concern, Doctor. Regardless of how I feel about Seven, I would like to think that you and I are friends. That means I am concerned about you. If being with Seven would make you happy then I want you to be with Seven. You can trust me, Doctor. I don’t betray confidences."

The Doctor seemed to slump, almost in relief. He desperately needed to talk to someone, and he knew he could trust B’Elanna. "I’m sorry. I’m so confused right now."

"Why don’t you tell me just what you are comfortable telling me. Let’s start there and see where we get."

"B’Elanna, I don’t know what is going on with Seven. She came here to sickbay that night, after my program went off line. She was so frightened. She said she had dreamed that you two were not able to recover my program. She told me she had been afraid she had lost me. She was so scared, and I wanted desperately to reach out and hold her." He stopped and B’Elanna waited. "I finally did. I held her, and then she left. She came back the next night…." He trailed off.

"You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me."

"There’s nothing to tell. Not really." He sat down at his desk and she took the chair across from him. "She came in. This time we kissed, and she left again."

"That’s all?"

"That’s all."

"She just left?’

"She just left."

She leaned forward, speaking softly. "Are you all right, Doctor?"

He looked surprised, "What?"

"I asked if you were all right.

"Yes. Of course. No." He looked around, "I don’t know." His eyes wandered away from her and his head slumped down toward his chest.

"Doctor, you will just have to let things work their way out. You will need to give Seven time to come to terms with what she is going through. I have been where Seven is now. It isn’t an easy place to be, and it is a lot easier to run from those feelings than to face up to them." She leaned on the desk, "You both need to give yourself time. If it is meant to for you and Seven to be together, you will be." She laughed, "If Tom Paris and I could survive falling in love, so can you and Seven."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

* * *

Seven was studying the Astrometrics scan when B’Elanna walked in. She turned slightly and greeted her guest, "Lieutenant."

"Hello, Seven."

"Do you require my assistance?"

"No. I was just passing by, and thought I would see if you had the Astrometrics report ready. Do you?"

Seven turned and picked up a data pad from the console and handed it back to the Lieutenant.

"Thank you." B’Elanna was trying to figure out a reason to continue their conversation. "So, what are you working on?" She stepped past Seven and to the console. She heard the sigh behind her but ignored it. She was on a mission and she would not be deterred.

"I am mapping that nebula ahead of us." She indicated the screen in front of them.

"Sounds interesting."

"Lieutenant Torres," Seven’s voice was harsh, "you did not come to see what I am working on." Seven also, was up front.

"Okay," B’Elanna turned to face her, "I came to see how you were doing?"

Seven looked at her and frowned. "Why are you concerned about how I am doing?"

"Well, Seven, we had a rather rough time with the Doctor’s program the other day. I wondered if you might have found that experience…troubling."

Despite herself, she enjoyed the look on Seven’s face. It was a look of shock and uncertainty. She did not often get to see that look on the Borg’s face.

"No. Why would I?"

"You and the Doctor are friend, are you not?"

Seven hesitated. "Yes, we are friends."

"Then weren’t you upset that we almost lost his matrix the other day?"

She almost felt sorry for Seven as she watched the emotions that played across her face. Oh, is she hurting, thought B’Elanna.

"Of course, I was upset. It would have been a difficult loss." Seven was trying to pull herself back from the conversation and regain her composure. "He is my friend." She finished lamely.

B’Elanna felt herself soften toward her. She decided to change tactics, "I know it would have been, Seven. And that is why I am here. I wanted to make certain you were doing okay. Sometimes, experiences like those have a delayed reaction. You don’t start to feel upset until later. Then it can hit kind of hard." She noted that her words had surprised and unsettled Seven whom stepped back and turned away from her, returning to the console. Even though she returned to work, B’Elanna could see that her hands were shaking. She pretended not to notice and walked to stand next to her, focusing on the screen in front of them.

"Seven, it’s okay to be upset when someone you care for is in trouble. It’s a natural reaction."

Seven’s hands stopped moving over the console, but she did not remove them. B’Elanna could see the shaking had increased. She could sense that Seven was fighting to maintain control. She lowered her voice and spoke to her.

"When someone you care for is threatened, it sometimes makes you realize how strong your feelings for that person are. That isn’t a bad thing, Seven. It can help us come to terms with what we are feeling. Don’t be afraid of those feelings. Let them happen. Don’t push them or be pushed by them. When you are ready, you will know."

Seven looked at her, eyes wide and body shaking. She could not trust herself to speak.

B’Elanna just smiled at her. "It will be all right, Seven. I promise."

* * *

She sat on the edge of the platform, hearing the Lieutenants words replay themselves in her mind. She wanted desperately to believe what the Lieutenant had said. Her hands were still shaking. She put one of them to her lips and remembered the feel of his lips on hers. The memory sent a strange surge through her body. She let out a small whimper. What was she feeling? Why was she so scared?

Deep down, she knew the answer to her questions. She knew what she was feeling, and she knew why that scared her.

"Don’t be afraid of those feelings."

She heard B’Elanna’s words echoing in her mind.

"Don’t be afraid of those feelings."

"Let them happen."

Part 2